The boring post where I talk about getting a driver's license.

warning: pictures
of Jack makes posts
appear more interesting
than they actually are.

In other news of the week, I made a trip to the bank, doctor and Internet provider. Life is easy here- we are well compensated and are surrounded by great people.  So when I tell you how tedious it is to get things done-it isn’t that I’m angry or ungrateful, I’m just fascinated/mystified/confused by how many steps everything takes. 

For example, to get my driver’s license.  I first had to apply for an Iqama, (Saudi residency card).  This process typically takes 4-6 weeks depending on the government’s hours during Ramadan.

After I received my Iqama, I had my Minnesota Driver’s license translated to Arabic.  When that was done, I took a cab with another new teacher to a hospital for a vision screening and blood type analysis.

At the hospital, we had to fill out a form to set up a file at front desk.  You fill out the form and pay 40 riyals (10 dollars).  After that-they suggested we each make an appointment to see the optometrist and another for a general consultation and come back the next day.  Fortunately, we had spoken to an experienced teacher who told us that we could just go directly upstairs and try to squeeze in between appointments. 

So we went up paid another 40 riyals, and both got our vision tests done with relative ease.  I asked the nurse if the letters on the eye chart were in Arabic, she smiled and just gave me “the look”*. 

Then we went to another part of the hospital, paid 40 riyals and each had our height, weight and blood pressure taken.  We met with a doctor who asked us questions about our medical history.

The doctor then sent us to the insurance office to see how much it would cost and then we were sent to the lab.  We paid 70 riyals, our blood was taken and we were told to come back the next day for the results.  I protested and told the phlebotomist that finding your blood type takes less than ten minutes and she smiled and also gave me “the look”*.

We spent about 3 hours at the hospital, however the next day we simply went in, picked up our paperwork and went home.  By the way my blood type/new life motto is B positive.

But here’s the kicker, before I went back to the hospital on the second day to pick up my paperwork, I went to the bank to open an account.  The account manager informed me that I couldn’t open an account because my Iqama was faulty.  Evidently my middle name was not translated to Arabic on the card.  I asked him if he could ignore it and simply enter my middle name in Arabic on the computer when setting up the account.  He smiled and gave me “the look”*. 

So since my Iqama is a dud, I probably have to start the driver’s license process from the beginning. 

So long story short-DMV's are a hassle and you wait a long time at hospitals. Who knew?!?

Again, this is not a big deal.  We have a bus that takes us back and forth to school, another bus that will bring you to local shopping malls, and we are a five-minute walk from a grocery store.  I’ve also got to meet a lot of interesting people and gained a little more experience in navigating Saudi culture. 

Besides, by not driving now, I'm probably adding years to my life expectancy.  It may be a crime to NOT text while driving here.  Hey Dude in the 2011 Bentley-I’m psyched you’ve got the new I phone, can you change your status on Facebook to “Driving with my knees while drifting into oncoming traffic!  LOL, OMG, ROTFL.” 

*Webster’s dictionary defines “the look” as a visual cue given to a Westerner who has been in Saudi for a short amount of time and is being a dipshit. 

For example, when the cab driver observed that the blonde Westerner had chosen to duct taped his cell phone’s password and number to the back of the phone itself, the cab driver smiled, gave him “the look”.

The post where I talk about Jack whizzing on the carpet

Last week went by quickly.  The work week was shortened to four days due to Saudi National Day.  In addition, mid-quarter progress reports were due, Laura coached a volleyball match, and I chaperoned my first High School dance. 

Don’t worry, though things were busy, Jack didn’t miss an opportunity to mark his territory in the new house.  To give him credit, when it comes to urinating in the corners of every carpeted room, he has the focus and determination of a champion . . . of pissing contests.  (instantrimshot.com)  

The scenario usually plays out like this: 

1.   Jack needs a new diaper.

2.   He lies calmly until you reach for the wipes then he head fakes right, rolls left and makes a run for the nearest corner.

3.   At that point he assumes a sumo stance: feet shoulder width apart, legs bent, arms at 90 degree angles, hands on knees.

4.   He locks eyes with you, cackles maniacally and starts whizzing.

Picture an 18 month old in this position 1/20th of this man's size.

We bought him a tiny toilet.  He’ll sit on it, but he prefers to wear it on his head like a storm trooper. Today, he started peeing in the hall, so I picked him up and tried to run him to his toilet.  Not a great plan, but the pee-pee trail dried before Laura got home-straight evaporation homey. 

I feel sorry for the next family that lives here.  If they have a baby boy, he’s going to have to work hard to establish his alpha baby dominance in this house.  Jack is thorough.  The next kid better stay hydrated. 

(Note to neighbors:  feel free to keep your shoes on when you come over for game nights)

Saudi National Day

This weekend is Saudi National Day, so we have Saturday off.  I say this weekend, because I'm not clear which day Saudi National Day actually falls on.  In fact, no one seems clear on which day Saudi National Day falls on, but long weekends are still awesome.

Last night we went to the U.S. Consulate for a country western themed party.  We hitched a ride from our neighbors on the compound who also happen to be our neighbors back in Minneapolis.  It turns out they live about 10 blocks from us behind Calhoun Square.  I told my Mom about this coincidence and her first response was to ask "Oh! Do they need me to water their plants?"-which is another reason why I miss my Mom.  

I was able to borrow some cowboy boots from our other neighbor "T.G.W.G.S." (The Guy Who Gets Stuff).  T.G.W.G.S may or may not be a bearded drama teacher at the High School (I don't want to embarrass him), who also happens to have an encyclopedic knowledge of where to purchase absolutely anything you can think of.  He is also willing to drive you there at any time (day or night) on a moment's notice.  Furthermore, most of the time he's already anticipated what you are going to need and has those items in-stock at his house.  He's the compound's Cub, a walking Walmart, a personal Pamida. . .

So when I mentioned that we were attending a country western party, it was no surprise that he had a pair of cowboy boots in my size.

On a side note, he mentioned that he purchased the boots from Goodwill last summer when his teenage son was going through a "Cowboy phase".  I don't know why- but upon hearing the term "Cowboy phase" the following scene came to mind.

Scene: Father and son sitting at the kitchen table.
Father: "Son, we need to talk about the lasso I found under you mattress."
Son: "Dad-it's not mine!  I was just holding it for a friend!"
End Scene

Anyway, We got a sitter for Jack, Laura got dressed up and looked great, and I was wearing cowboy boots, so we headed to the party. As we approached the Consulate we were told to expect Coyote Ugly meet Mission Impossible.  It took nearly an hour to pass through the multiple security checkpoints, but on a positive note there were ample opportunities for body cavity search jokes.  In hindsight (ha!), I feel really good about my execution (something about unusually thick fingers) but my timing was a little off (crowded bus).  Although she wouldn't admit it, I think Laura was really impressed.

Once we arrived at the party we headed to bar.  The parties at the Consulate are popular and fairly difficult to gain access to because they have real beer and liquor.  The whole experience feels a little like being underage at a Frat party, but with better conversation and fewer keg stands.

We had a great time and chatted with another couple who also are from Minnesota.  The wife, who teaches at the elementary school actually attended Ramsey Junior High as a student!

On the ride home we actually got to witness a gathering of Saudis celebrating the holiday.  We drove past a large group of cars and trucks filled (inside and out) with Saudi men in thobes waving flags and celebrating.  When I say they were outside of the cars I mean the men were hanging out of doors, across the hood, and clinging to the roofs.  The majority of these cars were only traveling 10-15 mph.  But on the highway we were passed by two cars doing well over 65 with guys white knuckling the hood and roof to hold on.  I don't see the connection holding on to the hood of your buddy's car while he's doing 70 and pride in your country, but I guess fireworks on the 4th of July don't make a lot of sense either.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Go Twins!
Rob

Things I don't understand about Saudi Arabia

I went to the Mall of Dhahran again this weekend, with a new friend who happens to be from Minneapolis!  I posted about the mall before, but just imagine if you took the Mall of America, put all three floors onto one level, and put no maps or signs up.  There is no way to know what stores are in the mall or where they are.  The good part about not driving is that I don't have to make it back to the same entrance that I started at--whenever I'm done shopping I can just call a driver and have him pick me up at whichever gate I'm near.  


This shopping trip, while enjoyable, left me shaking my head about a few things that just don't make sense here.  


1) In the Midwest, it is hard to find swimsuits or sunscreen or other summer items in the fall and winter, for obvious reasons.   I'm sure that the stores there are getting rid of their summer stuff and are now fully stocked with fall items.  But why is it like that here?  I've asked at several baby stores and sporting goods stores about swimsuits for Jack, and looked everywhere for good sunscreen.  No, no, they say, no swimsuits now.  Only in the summer.  But it is 100 degrees out!  How is that not "summer"?!  Oh, but if I want to buy Jack a puffy down coat and winter hat, no problem.


2) The easiest time to go out shopping is at night.  I personally am not a night person, but I have spent several late nights at the mall or grocery store since we've been here.  This was especially true during Ramadan, while no food was allowed during the day, but the night culture continues all year round.  I suppose it is because it is so hot out, and there are also five prayer times a day when every store has to close.  The last prayer is usually over by 8pm so that is a safe time to go out and not have to leave a store in the middle of your shopping to wait for prayer to finish.  Okay, I get all this.
What I do not get is why the malls are filled with screaming toddlers at midnight.  I know why the toddlers are screaming, I just don't know why they are there!  There are also tons of kids on rollerblades or skateboards, pushing each other in shopping carts...yes, through the mall.  And yes, they are with their parents (and often the nanny...who could have kept the kids at home while the parents go shopping!).  It is crazy.


Rob's additions to the list of nonsensical things in Saudi:


3) There are both 220V and 100V outlets in our house, and you can buy both types of appliances.  But there is no standard plug!  One thing has a 220 plug with 3 prongs, the next has two, the next is 110 but with round plugs or one flat and one round plug...it is crazy.  In some places we have three adapters plugged in--a convertor to change from 110 to 220, then an adapter to make it round plugs, then one to change it to three prongs.....one day I spent half an hour sorting through the adapter aisle at the Hyper Panda grocery store, and still didn't find the right combination of inputs and outputs.


4)  All the pop cans have those pull off tabs that make the opening really sharp, and then you have to put that tab in your pocket or something.  I have no idea why Coke and Lipton don't make the kind of cans like in the States, and it drives my Coke-loving husband crazy.


I am sure that as we continue on our adventure, we will have many more things to add to this list!  But all this is what makes the adventure, right?




On another note:

Last night we went to the US Consulate for Country Western night. Our school is on the same grounds as the Consulate, but they are separated by a wall and have different entrances so we've never been over there.  Our school and compound both have strict security, so we are used to having to show IDs and have the car or bus checked over thoroughly before entering.  But this was crazy security!  You need to be on the list, and know a secret password, and then go through several metal detectors and bag inspections, and then take a bus to the party so you can't wander around! No pictures allowed, but the grounds were very nice.  They have real beer and lots of marines who love Country music!


Finally, a Jack update: He loves to pretend.  It is adorable!  The other day, he made a stuffed panda stand on the table (like he does) and he shook his finger and told the panda "no, no, no" (apparently like I do). he also likes to put all the animals to sleep, and he kisses each one and says "ni ni" to them.  I snapped a photo of him feeding bread to a rabbit in his highchair the other day...

What a sweetie.  Thanks for reading...

Jack the Toddler

This week it has become very clear that Jack is an official toddler.  He wants to do everything himself and it is the end of the world when he can't!  He's learning to share with his new friends and to not bite mommy or throw food on the floor.  I got several toddler-parenting books and we are figuring out how to manage all these new behaviors and emotions.

Of course, like all toddlers, he is great fun most of the time!  He loves to run and be chased, and to climb on everything.  Yesterday for the first time, he pushed a chair across the kitchen and climbed up to play in the sink.  Maybe he'll start doing the dishes now?

Since we have the week off, we have been swimming every day, sometimes twice a day.  He has gone from being nervous about the water unless one of us was holding him tightly, to jumping off the edge (or even the diving board!!!) and going under water with no fear.  He blows bubbles like a champ, too!  It won't be long before he is swimming by himself, like his new friend who is only 2 weeks older and can swim underwater for about 10 feet!

Jack and his big belly rule the pool!

Playing with one of his new compound buddies.

The box from Jack's new pool toy...censored of course.

That's all for now...tonight we are headed to a restaurant at a British compound nearby for fish and chips!  And I'm off to a pedicure appointment...life here is rough ;)

The Chairman is a maniac. . .maniac. . . on the floor.

Week Four: physical, professional and cultural growth.

Greetings!

Time flies.  This Wednesday, September 8th marks our one month anniversary in the Kingdom.

Things are going smoothly.  Saint Laura of Northern Wisconsin continues to ingratiate herself to the administration, Jack has lowered his BPD (Bites Per Day) average to about a kid a day and I've joined the compound fantasy football league.   My fantasy football team is named "The Pork Smugglers".  It is both culturally relevant and it makes the other members of the league a little uncomfortable when they say it-Double Bonus!  We've hardly been here four weeks, yet our physical (Jack), professional (Laura) and cultural (Rob) growth has been astounding.

Jack's personality continues to evolve daily.  He's currently putting out a Mao Zedong meets Kim Jung Il vibe.  We've started calling him "The Chairman".  He's taken to wearing oversized sunglasses, crisply starched military khakis and yelling "Di di mau! Di di mau!" at anyone within earshot.  However when he isn't instituting dictatorial rule over home and nursery, he just loves to dance.  So far his repertoire includes spinning in circle, running in place (think Flashdance) and the Hula.

Next week is Eid break, which will give Laura and I sometime to get settled and explore Khobar.  So far the highlight of our time here, outside of compound and school, has been buying an iron at the local super market.  So the sky's the limit!